MUSIC JOKES

MUSIC JOKES

What's the difference between GOD and the lead singer in a rock band?  GOD doesn't think he's a lead singer in a rock band.

How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?  None.  We have a machine.

What do you call a Jazz musician without a girlfriend?  Homeless.

What does a musician do after winning the lottery?  Keep playing gigs until the money runs out.

What's black and brown and looks good on a Banjo player?  A Doberman.

Two rock musicians walk past a bar -- "well it is possible!!"

What does a Jazz player say when he gets a money making gig?  Would you like some fries with that Sir?

A musician told a beautiful girl in a club "I'd play you like a Violin!"  She said, "Can ya play Harmonica?"

How late does a bad guitar player play?  About a half-a-beat behind.

Why are Orchestra intermissions 20 minutes?  To re-train the Cello players.

How do you keep a Bagpipe player from drowning?  Take your foot off his head.

What do you call a Jazz musician with a new instrument?  A thief.

How do you get a Banjo player out of a tree?  Cut the rope. 

How do you know when a Drummer is at the door?  The knocking is out of time and he doesn't know when to come in.

Did you hear about the Bass player so out of tune that someone noticed?

What is the definition of a successful Jazz musician?  One whose wife has a job.

Why do Violin players put cloth between their chin and the Violin?  Because they don't have "spit valves".

What is the ultimate optimist?  A Bagpipe player with a pager.

The definition of "class" is someone who can play Banjo and doesn't.

Why did GOD give Tuba players 5% more brain than horses?  So they would know not to "poop" during a Parade.

What is the difference between a Banjo player and a mosquito?  The mosquito will stop sucking if you smack it.

What does an Accordian player use for birth control?  His personality.